What to Say to A Friend Who is Unexpectedly Pregnant

When a friend shares about an unexpected pregnancy, it’s natural to feel unsure about how best to respond. It’s a sensitive moment, and you likely want to offer comfort and reassurance. But, what do you say? 

The good news is, you don’t have to have all the answers or say the perfect thing. Small gestures of care and understanding can help your friend feel seen and supported during this time.



Your presence and compassion can provide the reassurance they need to feel less alone as they navigate their next steps.

Take a Moment to Process

It’s okay if you feel caught off guard or unsure of how to respond right away. Hearing this kind of news might bring up your own emotions or questions. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your friend chose to share this with you because they trust you.

You don’t need to have everything figured out in the moment. Sometimes, the best first response is as simple as, “Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m here for you.”

This gives you space to process while offering immediate reassurance to your friend.

Start by Listening

Give your friend space to share. Whether they want to tell you everything or don’t feel ready to share much yet, listening is one of the most supportive things you can do.

If your friend opens up, try to practice active listening. Pay attention to their words and reflect back what you’re hearing. For example, “It sounds like this has been really overwhelming for you.”

If they’re quiet, don’t take it personally. Being available and present is powerful. Just letting them know, “I’m here whenever you want to talk,” can help them feel less alone.

Offer Reassurance Without Pressure

Your friend is likely feeling a mix of intense, complex emotions and – even with a support system – they may feel isolated. While you can’t change how they feel, offering gentle encouragement that reminds them they don’t have to face this alone can make a big difference. 



If you’re not sure what to say, keep it simple. Remind your friend that they’re not alone in this or that they don’t have to figure everything out today. 

Be Thoughtful With Your Words

Even with the best intentions, certain words or phrases can feel invalidating or overwhelming, and it may feel difficult to figure out what to say to someone unexpectedly pregnant. 

Try to avoid comments that might minimize what they’re feeling. Statements like, “Everything happens for a reason” and “You’re strong; you’ll figure it out,” might seem encouraging, but they can gloss over the complexity of your friend’s emotions. 

Instead, practice neutral and affirming language, such as:

• “This sounds like a lot to process. I’m here to support you however you need.”
• “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling right now.”

When you give your friend room to share what they’re thinking and feeling without fear of judgment, you also help them gain the confidence and clarity they may need to move forward.

Ask How You Can Help

Once your friend has had a chance to share, it’s common to wonder how you might be able to best support them moving forward. While it might be tempting to jump in with solutions, the most meaningful thing you can do is ask what they need.

Letting your friend voice their needs empowers them to share their preferences and ensures you’re providing support that feels right for them. If they don’t have an answer right away, that’s okay. It may take time for them to figure out what feels helpful. 

It’s also important to remember that support works both ways. If your friend asks for something you’re unable or uncomfortable to provide, it’s okay to gently decline while offering other ways to help. Some examples include:

• Help researching resources
• Coming with them to appointments
• Bringing over a meal
• Sitting with them while they process

By asking and respecting their boundaries - as well as honoring your own - you can provide thoughtful support in a way that feels meaningful and sustainable for both of you.

Respect Their Choices and Autonomy

Every pregnancy decision is deeply personal. Your role as a supportive friend is not to influence their choices but to affirm their ability to decide what’s best for them. Trust that they know their circumstances, values, and needs better than anyone else.



If you find yourself struggling to agree with their decision, it’s important to separate your feelings from your support for them. Acknowledge your emotions privately and remind yourself that this is their journey, not yours. 

You might say, “I know this must have been a difficult decision for you, and while it might not be what I would choose, I respect that this is your choice, and I’m here for you.”

Giving your friend the space to feel supported – even if your perspectives differ – can strengthen your relationship and help them feel less isolated. Consider finding a trusted confidant or counselor to help you process your feelings separately, so you can remain present and compassionate for your friend.

Share Helpful Resources

If your friend seems open to exploring their options or looking at resources, consider suggesting tools that focus on clarity and support. Better Clarity, for example, provides judgment-free guidance for individuals navigating unintended pregnancies.

You might approach the subject with care by saying:

• “I found a resource that might be helpful if you’re interested. Let me know if you want me to share it with you.”
• “Would you like help finding more information? I’d be happy to do some research with you if you’d like.”

Always present resources as options, not obligations. When you let your friend choose, you empower them to make their own decisions while reaffirming your support.

Practice Self-Care While Supporting Your Friend

While being there for your friend is important, it’s equally important to take care of your own well-being. Supporting someone through a challenging time can be intense, and you can’t pour from an empty cup.



Take time to reflect and process privately, especially if the situation brings up personal emotions or experiences. Journaling, talking to someone you trust, or engaging in mindfulness practices can help you process your thoughts.

Supporting Your Friend with Compassion Through Better Clarity

When a friend is unexpectedly pregnant, your understanding and kindness can be a beacon of support. By listening without judgment, offering practical help, and respecting their choices, you’re helping them navigate a challenging time with confidence.

Remember, you don’t have to do it all alone. Better Clarity provides resources and tools designed to guide individuals and their support networks through this journey. Together, you can create a space where your friend feels empowered to make the decisions that are right for them.