My Girlfriend Just Told Me She’s Pregnant. What Should I Do?

Finding out that your girlfriend is pregnant can be a shocking and overwhelming experience.

You might feel a lot of different things like being scared, angry, happy, confused, or unsure. You might also wonder how this will change things between you and your girlfriend, what you'll do in the future, and how it'll affect your own life. There isn't just one right way to react to this news, but there are some things you can do to support your girlfriend and yourself during this journey.

Breathe & Seek Support

First, take a deep breath. It's a big piece of news to digest, and it's natural to have a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Give yourself some time to process. You don't have to make any decisions right away. 

You may want to talk to someone you trust, like a friend, a family member, a counselor, or a mentor. They can be someone you can work through what you’re thinking and feeling with and may offer advice. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Have a Healthy Conversation

After you have taken time to understand your own thoughts and feelings, talk with your girlfriend. Now more than ever, open and honest communication is key. 

You might be wondering, “How should I talk to my girlfriend about her pregnancy? I want the talk to go well, but I’m nervous.” Although the talk might feel daunting, you can take steps toward a healthy conversation. Be compassionate and patient as you navigate through this together. It's important to create a safe space where both of you can express yourselves without judgment. 

Take Time to Understand What You Want

Next, explore your options. Take the time to learn about pregnancy, parenting, and all the other paths available. An unexpected pregnancy brings a range of options, and each one has its own considerations. 

As you consider each choice, think holistically. Consider the following questions: 

• How would this affect my partner and me physically? Do we have the money and space we need? If not, is there a way to improve on or access those resources? 
• How would this affect my partner and me relationally? Not only with each other but with our networks? Do we have support to lean on? 
• How would this affect my partner and me emotionally? How might we feel after making this decision? How will we cope and care for ourselves? 
• How would this affect my partner and me spiritually? If this is important to us, how might this impact our personal values? How can we care for our spirits?
• How would this affect my partner and me professionally? What would this choice mean for our careers long-term? How could we continue to pursue our goals? 

Then, weigh each option carefully before deciding together. You both have a voice and are responsible for the child, so take the time to really understand one another. Make sure that your partner knows that you are for them. As you both process and share with each other, you can feel encouraged knowing that you’re taking the time to make decisions that align with your values and circumstances and are not made in fear and reactivity.

Chart the Course Ahead

Finally, plan for the future. Whatever decision you make, know that you will have emotions and things to work through. It may be tempting to think that everything could go back to exactly the way it was before the pregnancy, but any option you choose will mean change, whether it be parenting or terminating. It is common for people to feel like not keeping the pregnancy is a reset button, but oftentimes, it is experienced as much more relationally complex. Regardless of what you choose, you will experience change but know that you have the tools to plan ahead and alleviate some of the stress that comes with the unknown. 

Remember to take into account not just your present, but imagine how you might feel in the future looking back on this time, once you have space from the urgency of what you might feel now. It’s easy to get caught in the moment, but taking the time to think about both your and your partner’s present and future can be a helpful way to uncover your deeper wants. You might be excited right now and feel like you have a tangible next step, or you might feel paralyzed by all there is to think about. Maybe you feel both at the same time, or something else entirely, but you have tools and resources to help you process. 

Don’t Do It Alone

Better Clarity provides a self-guided, private space for you to process your thoughts and feelings and explore your options. Our goal is for you to make the best decision for you; one that you can be confident in and follows your own values. Whether you need to hear the stories of other men, practical advice, or just want a space to let it all out, Better Clarity can help you and your girlfriend discover your next best steps.