How Should I Feel About My Girlfriend Being Pregnant?

If you’ve just found out that your girlfriend is unexpectedly pregnant, you might be experiencing a rush of thoughts and feelings. 

Everyone reacts differently to this news, but this response is also completely natural. You might be feeling scared, confused, excited, or even all of these at once. It's okay to feel a mix of emotions, and you're not alone in this situation. Take a deep breath and let's go through this, one question at a time. 

How do I know what I’m feeling? 

When someone shares big news with you, it can be hard to know exactly what you’re feeling. Sometimes, it can be hard to know what you’re feeling and put words to it, and that’s okay. But it’s important to find words that fit what you’re feeling so that you can work through them, share them with others, and create a safe space for your partner to share her thoughts and feelings, too. 

Think of a puzzle. You can’t solve it until you know the shape and purpose of each piece. To make each piece make sense, you have to look at the shape on the outside and the picture on the inside to see how it connects to the whole puzzle and what it’s supposed to mean.

Emotions are the same way. To know what you’re feeling, you have to look at your behavior. What happened? Then, think about what you were thinking or how you were feeling when you behaved that way. This creates a 3-step process to name your feelings: 

1. Pinpoint the behavior. Think back to what happened. Was your behavior a reaction to something?
2. Remember the experience. What were you thinking when this happened? What were you feeling?
3. Name the feeling. What feelings match the thoughts and actions you had in the moment? What resonates?
   

What do I do with my feelings? 

Some people don’t know how to process their emotions and might feel uncomfortable feeling strongly at all. If this is you, that’s okay. Take a deep breath, and know that you’re not alone in that. It’s common to struggle to identify and express their feelings.

If you’re struggling to know what to do with your feelings or are feeling overwhelmed by a rush of sudden emotion, consider these three steps:

1. Recognize them.

When you notice emotions rise, take a moment and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Look back at the feeling chart if that’s helpful for you. Next, think about what value this feeling might have. What is this emotion telling you? Then, find a safe space where you can take a moment to process what you’re feeling.

   2. Feel them.

Give yourself permission to feel, and find a way to let yourself express those emotions. Let your body’s natural reaction flow and focus on your breathing. You might also channel your emotion into another activity, such as exercising or writing.

However, it’s also important to remember that your feelings do not define you or your situation. If your feelings are about your identity or self-worth, take these negative thoughts captive.

  3. Accept them.

Just as you wouldn’t sprint through a marathon, don’t rush your emotional journey. Accept that feelings will come and go throughout the journey. As you recognize your feelings it can help to set small goals—like who you could rely on for support and when and how you might reach out to them, to help you regain a sense of control. As you work through your feelings, don’t forget the importance of self-care and taking a break, whether it’s enjoying a walk in nature, listening to music, or simply talking to a friend.

Can’t I just “fake it ‘till I make it?”

It can be tempting to push down feelings so that you don’t have to “deal” with them. People rarely feel negatively or uncomfortable by choice. But, by sharing these thoughts and feelings, you: 

• Validate your own experience
• Reduce their power and frequency
• Deepen emotional intimacy in your relationship 
• Create a safe space to be open and honest with your partner
• Let your body release the stress
  

How do I support my girlfriend and her feelings, too?

If you’re nervous about being a good supporter and you’re asking this question, you’re likely already on the right track. Keep in mind the 3 C’s: 

• Commitment: During difficult times, it’s comforting to know you’re not alone. Remind your girlfriend that you’re in this together, and also make sure to share your thoughts and feelings, too. That builds trust and shows that you’re invested and involved. 
• Consistency: Your girlfriend wants to be able to depend on you to be there for her. You can be a huge support for her! 
• Communication: Keep conversations open and honest. Don’t judge or criticize her, or display negative body language as she’s talking. Listen, ask questions, and speak kindly. Tough conversations are easier when there is mutual respect.
  

How can I move forward?

To keep taking steps forward on your journey, celebrate everyday triumphs and prioritize open communication. Try to live in the moment to avoid getting stuck in the past or future. Think about what’s going on around you, where you are, and who you’re with. Look for details and be part of conversations that help restore your hope, joy, or laughter. Share your feelings honestly and openly with your girlfriend. The more you communicate, the stronger your connection will become.

Sometimes, there are things you’re feeling or thinking that you might want to talk about with someone else before you share it with your girlfriend. Finding an outlet for your emotions is equally important. Whether it’s confiding in a close friend, keeping a journal, or immersing yourself in music that resonates, sharing your thoughts and feelings can provide a sense of release and clarity. Remember, seeking help and support is a sign of strength, and you’re not alone in this experience.

Ready to take the best next step?

Better Clarity is a private space for men facing unexpected pregnancies to process their emotions, explore their options, and make a decision that aligns with their own values and goals. Access valuable tools and resources about communication, relationships, emotions, and more at your own pace.